Friendly Reciprocation

When we're young I think we all imagine we'd have best friends that last forever, that those people will always be there just like when we are preteens.  Friends that are there to talk to, there to be supportive when we go thru breakups and makeups, and accomplishments, setbacks and losses.  Then we grow up, we grow apart and some people just don't make the same effort anymore; families are built and friendships get put on the back burner.   Friends even distance themselves intentionally because of differences in lifestyle or general opinions on how they live life.

We can probably assume the same things about family; sometimes they are supportive and sometimes they aren't.  Often, we can question whether we are rooting for each other or are questioning our own positions in life based off of others.  There are periods of closeness and eternities of separation that exist among people that claim to love one another.

What these two examples have in common is distance amongst similarity.  As human beings we are all experiencing the same feelings, just in a different order.  Pain, loss, happiness, triumph, accomplishment, loneliness...it happens to all of us, just at different times in various milestones.  It's not a competition because no two life paths are ever meant to be the same so to bother comparing is a waste of time.  But the actual feelings we experience are the same.  So I question why the separation, why the isolation, why the lack of support, competition, comparison and polarity?  Why is all of this necessary?  Maybe I'm just idealistic to think that we can be compassionate, understanding and supportive individuals even if we are different?  The pain from the examples I mention lies in the fact that friends and family are supposed to treat you the best and yet they also have the ability to hurt you the most.  It's not in how long you've known someone or in whether or not you have the same bloodline that makes a person supportive...its about choice in presence.  How are you going to show up for your friend, or sister or mother today?  What will you do today that matters to them instead of relying on the fact that your related or started a friendship 20 years ago.
That's not enough.
Healthy relationships of any kind are a give and take, where both participants are in the game.  These days its tough to find kind and caring genuine soul that you trust.  Even if you've grown to have a family or other interests, keep the ones who make the effort to show you love and who's hearts are pure, close to you; go out of your way to reciprocate to the friends who are positive forces in your life.
Those who are continously thoughtful by trying to fill others cups with support and love through what they go thru, need love and encouragement too.  Most of us who are like this aren't being nice because we have to be or that we want a medal but because we find enjoyment out of seeing others happy and because we don't think its that hard to reach out and touch someone.  The positive Polly's of the world stories also matter, so although they may not ask for help, ask for support, ask for you to talk, it's your job to reach out before they are running on "E", before they move on to find companions who give a little friendly reciprocation.
You can't blame us for moving on to surround ourselves with "birds of the same feather."

My Christian perspective is just that God is teaching me that the job you do by intentionally helping others is for me (God), not for them.  This is because He made me with the desires of my heart.  And whether or not they give back a single day of the years you gave, I see ALL, including your intention.  "You don't need anyone, you just need me."  "When you are weary, you turn to me and I will fill you."
1 Peter 5
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself, restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

hmh. Amen
xo Lori

Taking LIFE Seriously

Any of us who have struggled with our weight can attest to the difficulty of being on a diet.  Restricting ourselves to look great for an event or exercising for the upcoming summer and fear of how we will look in a bathing suit.  While only a few of us are concerned about how our bodies are reacting to the excess weight, the threat we face with diseases we will face because of obesity.   I know all about all three of these feelings but only one has felt more effective.  The latter.

Last year, I worked out 6 days a week and used the "My fitness Pal" app and lost around 25lbs!!  It was hard because I had to log everything I ate into an app and I couldn't just be all willy nilly about what I was putting in my mouth, go back home and sit on the couch to watch TV.  It was work for the obvious reasons but it was easier this time because my choice was really about losing weight.  I had a scare with my health that wasn't weight related but turned out weight could have put me in a better position in the first place.  A year later now and I went off the app for the winter and gained back 8lbs.  My boyfriend has been working tirelessly at eating right and exercising and Im encouraging him and making healthy meals for us both, but forgetting about me in the mix.  I eat healthy for the most part but I don't eat often enough, drink water and take my vitamins.  Went to the doctor again and starting thinking about my age and position in life.

Im in my early 30's with no kids and I am overweight.  Thats the truth and Im not afraid to admit it, you can clearly see I could lose a few pounds.  I want to have children, lower my cholesterol and most of all, my risk of getting cancer.  Most of us don't realize how our bodies respond to excess weight...it responds by treating the weight like cancer.  Even tho I am Gluten free, eat organic foods, nothing fried and am making everything from scratch with no preservatives and low salt, Im still struggling.  Its for all the reasons above, slow metabolism, no gall bladder, eating too late, too much sugar and not moving as much as I was last year.  So the obvious is that I have the to change what I can and apply all the knowledge I have from reading about health as much as I do.  Less than a week ago I made a choice again that ONLY had to do with health.  Not what people think of me, not for a man, not to look better in clothes...but to live longer and healthier and improve my overall experience when I am alive.  To care about me.  I think it's so much easier to care about everyone else...

In starting my business venture to teach people they can do everything they desire if they start "acting", this is me walking the walk; this is me making a choice to trust if I do something about it...the results will come.  Wish me luck, I'm expecting at least some success!

Goodluck on your journey if your back on the health wagon,
Xo Lori

The Fear in Clarity...

You may finally be clear on the direction you want to take your life, but are you free of the new found fear that comes with that new open space...

So a few months back I was still racking my brain trying to figure out, what am I going to do with all these passions?  How do I incorporate the things that make me feel all tingly inside and those that best serve to empower the people around me?...

I was sitting in a seminar for self help (in support of one of my family members) and I said to myself...this is what I want to do...but not like this.  I had reservations in going in fears that it would be a money focused organization.  This felt more like a cult that they pressured people into attending by making anyone who didn't want to invest monetarily, feel like they had issues of denial.  Which wasn't my issue at all.  My struggle was that I felt it was very sales pitchy, it felt inauthentic.  If you read an earlier blog of mine you'd know one of my goals was to right books, travel and do speaking engagements and at some point use my psychology degree and personal experience of growth to impact the lives of others in a positive way.  So like a lightening storm I kept getting ideas throughout the forum and eventually tuned out the "salesman" on stage completely.  Yes, many things he was saying were true and impactful but the approach ruined the authenticity of what my mission will be.

So I went home and started writing things down and dreaming up everything that would make others feel like they can conquer the world...or at least tackle something they've been procrastinating.  Part of my initial struggle in finding the outlet of all of my passions was integrating them into one place.  I happen to be one of those people with 100 passions.  Im amazed at how it all hit me, how passionate I am about helping others (especially since I feel like I spend most of my days doing this with my friends and random strangers at places like Kohls) anyway.  Why am I amazed at how a Psychology major loves thinking about how to best tackle anything in life that tries to hold her back, hold her friends back, and the likes of strangers?  Duh.  People always devulge their troubles and trust me with their deepest secrets and I am grateful to be someone they feel they can trust.  I guess Im just surprised when it's a complete stranger in a store who's quite a bit older than me, asking for advice.  Maybe thats all part of the divine plan, that the universe works tirelessly to connect us to our hearts work,  but only when you're paying enough attention to notice do you see it.  Part of allowing this energy to flow is about how open you are.  That day in that crazy forum, I chose to be open, knowing that I wasn't going to buy into a weekend away, I still was being supportive and open to hearing something that might strike a cord in my life.

In all of the bing, bing, bings, I started to get scared.  What if it doesn't work out?  What if it fails?  What if then everyone laughs at the failure?  How do I start?  etc etc etc.  So many questions were plaguing this passionate heart of mine at once.  When I got home I started telling a few trusted friends about my new mission...to pick their brains.  They loved the idea, mainly because you could hear the excitement in my voice.  I came up with a name and an acronym and an overall mission; this was the easy part because no one really knows at this point so its safe.  The fear continued to slow me down and distract me away from making real public moves.  None of this makes any sense because anyone who knows me understands that I am the last person to care about what people think.  I have always been a perfectionist tho, someone who's fiercely competitive in business and in succeeding in general.  Although these are all true characteristics of my personality, they were all used for someone elses dream, to elevate their passion and fill their pockets.  Why if I am this motivated and confident in my grind for others can I not reallocate that for myself?  Truth is...I can, its just in how much I am willing to go balls to the wall and all for me.  I thought the clarity in knowing what I wanted to do would kill my fears??
(meh, lies!!)

Having courage is about feeling the fear but walking ahead anyway; toward it, essentially to give it the middle finger.  I will truly be doing the work, creating workshops that I have personal experience in, ones that I challenge myself to do exactly what I am advising others to do.  Helping the millennials reinvest in themselves and create a purposeful lifestyle is about instilling confidence and a fresh spirit that is honest about how life is scary and that there are a lot of unknowns but that doesn't mean that it can't be amazing once that fear subsides.  Sparking momentum for those young and old hopefuls who just couldn't get started, by creating action plans and accountability partners.  Bringing education and useful tools to those interested in ALL areas of life; health, fitness, spirituality, healthy eating, life hacks, relationship overhauling, tips and tricks to traveling and financial stability etc.  I know this sounds like "I know it all" right.  WRONG.  I will be doing ALOT of research on the net, continue to read books and pulling from my personal experiences, combining all resources in coming up with useful and interesting material to INSPIRE everyone who's...open.  Most of all, to help others create the momentum thru initially taking action, propelling them forward toward kicking a*s in life!!  Making it all count.

I can't wait to grow, to INSPIRE...to be INSPIRED.

Scared Bi*ch walking...
xo, Lori

The Willing Partner

When we enter relationships its easy to dissect everything about the person.  
Natural questions:  Are they what we are looking for in a male/female fulfillment of roles , do they match what we are expecting in compatibility, do they have the same overall wants for a future, are we going in the same direction?  Do we have the same beliefs about money and finances etc.  (Believe it or not, most people do not address these important questions even before marriage!  I can't imagine it, but I know it happens.)  Unfortunately there are quirks and differences that cause us to ponder... can we tolerate someone who may not match up to exactly our ideal partner we've envisioned all along?  Most of us can admit there are qualities in our partner that drive us bananas: does he chew like a cow, or leave his socks on the floor even tho we've told him 100 times, that its a pet peeve that irks that crap out of us?  Does she use your razor in the shower and now its dull because she just shaved half her body with it, is she always cranky in the morning even though thats your best time of day?  Those discussions are going to be had, especially if you're living together but they shouldn't be your focus.  Newsflash...you're not perfect either.  So pick and choose your battles.  If its really important to you then bring it up, if its a standard/deal breaker, take your stand.  Its ok to have standards, in fact, everyone should establish theirs.

What if you have a pretty solid foundation you are building on with overall happiness but minor adjustments that would make things a lot smoother?  You might have different styles of communication and want to get on the same page.  Your partner isn't necessarily trying to hurt you, but may be, by continuing to do things the way they have always done them in the past or having a different way of going about the same task.  

The answer:  communicate.  If you have a willing partner, someone who wants to be in it for the long hall and possesses a willing attitude, you can do anything.  When your love throws you a bone, take it, even if it looks different than what your used to.  Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and work with what you got, bite your tongue and keep moving.  Someone who loves you enough will try and make you happy however that may be.  Keyword: Try.  Taking actions to prove they are taking your concerns seriously.  They may not be perfect at it but if you can see the effort, invest back the trust that will encourage them to keep walking.  Love is a word thats never described by two people in the same way.  And its not expressed the same either.  Therefore, your goals shouldn't be to become the same person but to support the love of your life in a way that balances the relationship.  Maybe you and your significant other have so much in common emotionally, spiritually and otherwise but you notice in a certain areas that he may be better at taking care of the outside housework and you the inside housework; there are gaps you can fill in your relationship that allow you to feel you can count on one another for your strengths.  Practice delegating projects, or simple every day tasks based off your strengths instead of always fighting for the right to say you can do it all, because you can't.  Thats why some of us are leaders and the other followers, some of us are doctors and other lawyers.  It ok to admit your not all of those things.  Allow your mate to feel proud and strong in the gifts they were meant to share with the world/your relationship.  

Ego gets in the way of relationships when you have an attitude that either dictates that you can do it all, be it all, or are unwilling to work with a willing spirit.  It can infect your heart and create a soul that is boastful, even if there is nothing to boast about.  Ego can drive a wedge between the best thing thats ever happened to your life.  Its ok to communicate what is causing your unhappiness but its best to remember its not always what you say but how you say it, i.e.  stay humble.  Take initiative to bring it up but in a way that is as willing as you want him/her to be in reacting, as you are in communicating sensitively to someone you're sharing your life with.  

Vulnerability seems to be a problem in todays society because of ego.  We have a bunches of people walking around too afraid to communicate their own imperfections in fear that they will be "found out".  Those who struggle with vulnerability, struggle with communication effectiveness, human connection, ego and perfectionism.  How can you expect another human being to open up to you and show you who they really are, connect with you and feel safe in an environment when you are unwilling to do just that?  Trust is built on connection.  If you want to build a relationship with anyone, you have to let down the walls, show your own short comings so they feel safe to show theirs.  If all of the world decided to prance around posturing like peacocks, we'd all be really lonely.  And have really big heads about our imperfect selves.

In short, be a willing partner, appreciate yours if you have one and remember that we all just want to be loved, accepted, and acknowledged as someone who matters. 

With Purpose, 
Lori

Inspiration

Im a virgin blogger.  This is my first post online ever, sharing my thoughts, raw and unedited...

So how I came to be inspired to start this blog is a mixture of things.  For the past couple of years I have been wanting to pinpoint: how do I reach people with my inspiration to make it through life and its tribulations, express myself and do what I love most..help people grow.  I then contemplated writing books, I even came up with names and chapters but have yet to write them.  Maybe this blog will bring me to have the gall and hopefully the following to encourage those notations of my own life's journey.  

A while back I had a spiritual dream where God showed me the stars, told me I would reach all of those stars, that represented people.  Now I want to pursue my passion in counseling, writing books, and doing speaking engagements.  I have no idea how to get started and if any of my words will change a soul but I'm faithful He will guide me.  I thought about the quantity of stars he showed me in that dream and wondered, but how do I reach all of these other stars..is that possible?  hmm

The other day my boyfriend and I were talking about his blog and I started remembering how I'd always wanted to start one and see where it took me.  Where it can take others.  He expressed how he thought I should start it...Why don't I do this?  He sent me the link to his and I read the words and thought, just as interested as I am in reading his blogs, people can and will be interested in reading mine.  Especially because I have the intention on reaching you, yes YOU reading this..in a positive way.  A way that will ask you to step into your own, choose a more authentic path by just being my own actualized self, share my point of view and relate to another soul walking around trying to figure it all out, the best I can.

Skip to this last Sunday...I was sitting in church listening to a visiting pastor preach to us about searching within ourselves to find what God has placed there... How bad do you want to find the gifts the Lord has placed inside you?  Hit me like a brick.  He proceeded to ask us to pray abundantly, be EXTRAVAGANT, ask not for the mediocre, not what you think God can do but over and beyond what you think you deserve.  WOW.  Thats a tough one, especially if you struggle with self worth.  He began to break down the meaning of Qualitative Words:  Your quality of your prayer determines the quality of your answers!  WOAH.  The quality of words determine the quality of the life, the people and the church!!  Well then, I need to ask for not exactly what I want, but more, because what I think is possible for me isn't even close to what He has in store!  It all boils down to how much do we think we deserve and our distortion and/or limited thinking of who we can become and how we are hearing those qualitative words.  Are we open enough to receive intellectual consciousness?  We were then asked to pray our extravagant prayers...I started and immediately had to correct myself...one of my prayers was for a husband and then I added "No God I don't just want a husband, I want a man of God, a beautiful soul to fulfill the dreams in my heart, the dreams you have for me and your will not my own limited one, give me discernment and I will follow you.  I prayed about so many areas of my life that needed revamping.  I prayed like I could ask for the lottery and receive it!  Hey, He said to pray Big..so I did.  :) The pastor said there was a woman here in this room who the Good Lord wants to reach, tonight.  I believed that woman is me!   Maybe this is my first step into walking into my destiny...this tiny little step.  How bad do I want to find the gifts he's ALREADY given me, BAD!  AMEN AMEN AMEN!  
~Ok sorry I get a little side tracked when I feel a word hitting me like that.  I'm still reeling from it...

The title of this blog.  Elevation:  Take me to the top floor...
I pictured life as a tall building with many levels and an elevator.  Each floor as a journey that you pass through...build on... when your ready, you get back on the elevator and go to the next level.  Sure you have the freedom to descend but you're looking to grow and expand, experience all the tears, all the laughs, take all the lessons your learned from floor 1 to floor....
With this blog my hopes for you:
I encourage you to contribute your comments, knowledge, and thoughts whether you agree or disagree.  But be open to growth, because if you stop growing, you die, inside.  Live your potential.
Step into the elevator, close the door and rise...

Below I share the beautiful Freedom tower in nearby NYC.  ...Everyone's building is limitless, you should feel free on your journey and because it is the tallest building in its city for a reason...when investing in anything, the biggest investment should be in oneself.

With purpose, 
Lori