Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Social Media-The Good, The Bad, The UGLY!

It seems as though the whole world is OBSESSED with social Media.  Every few months a new site pops up offering some form of news feed, wall or picture sharing community that we all want to join to be sure we aren't left out.  People constantly check their phones and are addicted to knowing what others are doing at all times; previously coined a peeping tom or now whats known as trolling and in some cases,Voyeurism is the new way we occupy our time.   Some would go as far as to say that most of us are so concerned with the likes, comments and overall acceptance of each other that the mindset of who we are is reverting back to infancy, when we asked our parents to pay attention to us because we used the potty.  To think that we are all mini celebrities, important enough to gain as many followers to somehow feel relevant in this world, is a sad realization.  Theres an overwhelming issue with self worth, loathing, and narcism that is being ignored.   
Granted we all like to stay "in touch" with each other, as plugged in as we are, is as checked out a society as we really have become socially person to person.  As we drift from human connection that is both vulnerable and requires effort to truly show compassion, to conversing through a texting community, we lose basic social skills, feel isolated and actually have the ability of changing brain chemistry.  Social media is one of those things that started off as a great idea and has morphed into a niche of life that can have a dark side.  This form of technology has helped us as a nation in a lot of ways, particularly with minute by minute news, feedback, faster communication and tracking everything ever said, thought about or caught on video tape.  Here are the ways that in my observation we benefit and suffer through what is this social media obsession...

The Good:
Celebrities were long viewed as Gods and Goddesses... untouchable, unreachable and mainly one you saw on TV, or in concert if you were lucky, to which would be the most exciting experience just to catch an in person glimpse.  Pull up an old video of a performance where kids cried and passed out just being in the presence of a Michael Jackson or Madonna.  In concert we actually went to sing, mosh-pit, enjoy the artists and the art of the show.  Now your lucky to see someone who isn't video taping so they can clap along or actually see the LIVE concert happening in front of their faces.  Only to upload clips to  instagram, Vine, Facebook, youtube, etc and see how many "friends" like and can be jealous of the fact that they are 1000 feet away from Rhianna.  The positive side to what sounds like a negative is that celebrities are real people too, there is something inspiring to realize our potential to reach a little higher and be motivated to work hard and "make it" in life.  They would disagree and tell you that as a celebrity they are earning less the more "human" they become.  But we aren't talking about them now are we...afterall, they make enough as it is.
This at your fingertips news is always great because you can on demand, sift through what your interested in hearing, find out first and basically tell all your friends.
The internet world as a whole is infinite these days.  You can access any information about unlimited topics and so the social media outlet has been linked to all of this data as well.  We are  capable of sharing cool, trendy, helpful and hopeful tips daily with just a few clicks.
Its fun, plain and simple social media can be funny, be an avenue to connect with friends who live cross country, in a different country completely and find those you haven't spoke to in years.
Marketing for your business has become very popular and successful form of reaching the masses.  A company can run online sales and link to the website for your shopping convenience.  They can also market jobs available to those who are following them and looking for an opening.  
Social media has helped raise money for people in need, connect long lost family members, adopt pets, and even find children.  For these reasons social media wins my vote, if we can have positivity as the main focus of why we log onto see one another, Im in.

The Bad:
Wasting time; countless hours are spent surfing these sites for up to the minute info on what we don't have in our lives, what we don't want in our lives and what we wish we had in our lives.  Plain and simple we are constantly comparing ourselves to our neighbors who post messages that are glorified to make others jealous.  So we spend hours being envious when we can be humbled at our own blessings.  Spread happiness and joy for a friends fortune as opposed to asking yourself how can you outdo the Jones's.  
Children are a part of these sites, if it's not hard enough going through puberty and having to compare oneself to others, now kids are being bullied on social media, exposed and viewing inappropriate information.   
Lack of social interaction causes depression by way of isolation and limited physical contact.  There are studies that support the nature of physical touch as something that alleviates depression, changes the production of chemicals produced in the brain that are in direct correlation to joy and comfort.  Social media is supposed to connect us as a world but the more we log on and the less we meet up, the more disconnected we'll all be.  I had a phone carrier ask me a few months back "who talks on the phone anymore", as if it was a dying trend!  I said I do, yes I text but sometimes I want to hear someones voice and its easier than typing out something that can be misconstrued.  I was in shock...
Productivity at work and at home is shrinking as the demand for multitasking, working multiple jobs and family demands are increasing.  However, as we all can attest the time spent online goes by quickly and our families and jobs are suffering because of it.  We are all distracted even when together!  You can pretty much go to any restaurant to see a whole family on their phones at the same time, what are they viewing...social media. 

The Ugly:
Social Media has now become the closest thing to Porn Ive ever seen.  Yes I said that.  If you look at the images that are liked by men, put out by women and circulating the fastest, they are generally sexually explicit in form.  The obsession with women showing off their larger bottoms, busty tops and suggestive poses to gain attention and approval from men who comment what they want to do with them and to them is running rampant!  Sadly, the breakdown of family and church in the homes of America has obviously created self worth, self confidence and morality issues amongst the many who aim to be the next adored "internet star".  There isn't any real talent, devotion, hard work, or career oriented passion being applied to gain a following...just skin.  When looks fade or someone more attractive, less clothed comes along, where will the self esteem of these ladies be?  I am in no way saying this is only a female problem, I think men are just as much at fault, for feeding into the portrayal that will eventually be the pool of women they have to choose from, the pool of girls who date their sons and the pool of women they expect to be the other half of a respectable, responsible society.  We all affect each other, therefore, we are all accountable for one another.  It's a fleeting popularity contest that is destined to fail and shallow in character representation.  Not to mention these images once posted are public for life, affecting your chances at getting a job and diminishing a reputation, had you any future at a respectable public service place of employment.  
All social community sites are known to break up relationships, cause drama and sometimes have resulted in public online brawls.  Because of the temptation of having unlimited options of your sexual preference, falling victim to crossing a partners boundaries is unfortunately many couples downfalls.  What may be acceptable language, viewing pleasure and conduct in general to you, may be very inappropriate to your mate.  Whats considered cheating may be the exchanges that are taking place on social media via private messaging people you know or don't know, sexually suggestive comments, and meeting strangers who are your "friends" online that can lead down a path of infidelity.  When you open the door to temptation, you close the door of respect for your partner.  Knowing the one you love is spending time admiring other men or women's beauty/body creates seeds of insecurity and would be better spent in investing into ones own relationship.  If asked "what you intentionally do anything to break the heart of the one you love, disrespect them or veer away from the boundaries of loyalty" I guarantee we'd all say "no".  But in making choices that put yourself in that position, you are knowingly asking for trouble.  
Morality is a major issue when you log online, social media not excluded but being one of the biggest offenders.  It's not a secret that I am a Christian women and seeing the filth that is the words that are spoken against one another out of hate, rejection, negativity, jealousy and sexual deviance is extremely discouraging when Im asking myself where is society going as a community of people.  A community that may look different but on the inside have the same makeup, with the same desires to be accepted, loved and know they matter.  Its apparent that we are using all means necessary to fill the hole that the bible says, God created for him, with materialistic and physically stimulating messages.  How lost have we become in our souls that we think the immediate gratification of a split second post is going to fix the years of damage that has caused that brokeness leading you to seek out strangers for comfort to begin with?
Expecting privacy online is like asking pigs to fly, its never going to happen.  New privacy policies are less restrictive these days and claim ownership over your images, posts and personal information.   There are ways in which this data is collected and sold to other companies and can travel into the wrong hands.  The sex business is one of the biggest businesses in the world, most of it now online.  Hackers or even the average Joe with photoshop can steal your face or body to exploit you and make a buck.  Im not advocating fear based mentality but for at least showing less skin and setting your accounts as private as you can, might be a smarter option.  Do not post nude pictures online of your children, not because those of us who have morals are offended but for those pedophiles who have ruined it for everyone else.  The online world is similar to a growing corporation, once it starts getting too big, you can always expect a small group to bring it to a new level of "disorder" in which restraints have to then be applied. 

Who is going to start applying restraints on social media that is infecting the brains of 74% of adults logged on and the 72% of children 18 and under influenced daily?  Noone, anytime soon.  

I am a social media user so Im not advocating for a boycott but just that we realign our morals, goals and contribution to a future we all have to live in.  We can control our own behavior and hold ourselves to a higher standard, we are in control of that.  From the mouth of Ghandi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world".  If you want to have stronger relationships, more educated children, a more productive day, and people who respect themselves around you, then hold yourself as accountable for what you allow on your screen and to those your call "friends".  

For more Data:

Monday, October 20, 2014

The Willing Partner


When we enter relationships its easy to dissect everything about the person.  
Natural questions:  Are they what we are looking for in a male/female fulfillment of roles , do they match what we are expecting in compatibility, do they have the same overall wants for a future, are we going in the same direction?  Do we have the same beliefs about money and finances etc.  (Believe it or not, most people do not address these important questions even before marriage!  I can't imagine it, but I know it happens.)  Unfortunately there are quirks and differences that cause us to ponder... can we tolerate someone who may not match up to exactly our ideal partner we've envisioned all along?  Most of us can admit there are qualities in our partner that drive us bananas: does he chew like a cow, or leave his socks on the floor even tho we've told him 100 times, that its a pet peeve that irks that crap out of us?  Does she use your razor in the shower and now its dull because she just shaved half her body with it, is she always cranky in the morning even though thats your best time of day?  Those discussions are going to be had, especially if you're living together but they shouldn't be your focus.  Newsflash...you're not perfect either.  So pick and choose your battles.  If its really important to you then bring it up, if its a standard/deal breaker, take your stand.  Its ok to have standards, in fact, everyone should establish theirs.

What if you have a pretty solid foundation you are building on with overall happiness but minor adjustments that would make things a lot smoother?  You might have different styles of communication and want to get on the same page.  Your partner isn't necessarily trying to hurt you, but may be, by continuing to do things the way they have always done them in the past or having a different way of going about the same task.  

The answer:  communicate.  If you have a willing partner, someone who wants to be in it for the long hall and possesses a willing attitude, you can do anything.  When your love throws you a bone, take it, even if it looks different than what your used to.  Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and work with what you got, bite your tongue and keep moving.  Someone who loves you enough will try and make you happy however that may be.  Keyword: Try.  Taking actions to prove they are taking your concerns seriously.  They may not be perfect at it but if you can see the effort, invest back the trust that will encourage them to keep walking.  Love is a word thats never described by two people in the same way.  And its not expressed the same either.  Therefore, your goals shouldn't be to become the same person but to support the love of your life in a way that balances the relationship.  Maybe you and your significant other have so much in common emotionally, spiritually and otherwise but you notice in a certain areas that he may be better at taking care of the outside housework and you the inside housework; there are gaps you can fill in your relationship that allow you to feel you can count on one another for your strengths.  Practice delegating projects, or simple every day tasks based off your strengths instead of always fighting for the right to say you can do it all, because you can't.  Thats why some of us are leaders and the other followers, some of us are doctors and other lawyers.  It ok to admit your not all of those things.  Allow your mate to feel proud and strong in the gifts they were meant to share with the world/your relationship.  

Ego gets in the way of relationships when you have an attitude that either dictates that you can do it all, be it all, or are unwilling to work with a willing spirit.  It can infect your heart and create a soul that is boastful, even if there is nothing to boast about.  Ego can drive a wedge between the best thing thats ever happened to your life.  Its ok to communicate what is causing your unhappiness but its best to remember its not always what you say but how you say it, i.e.  stay humble.  Take initiative to bring it up but in a way that is as willing as you want him/her to be in reacting, as you are in communicating sensitively to someone you're sharing your life with.  

Vulnerability seems to be a problem in todays society because of ego.  We have a bunches of people walking around too afraid to communicate their own imperfections in fear that they will be "found out".  Those who struggle with vulnerability, struggle with communication effectiveness, human connection, ego and perfectionism.  How can you expect another human being to open up to you and show you who they really are, connect with you and feel safe in an environment when you are unwilling to do just that?  Trust is built on connection.  If you want to build a relationship with anyone, you have to let down the walls, show your own short comings so they feel safe to show theirs.  If all of the world decided to prance around posturing like peacocks, we'd all be really lonely.  And have really big heads about our imperfect selves.

In short, be a willing partner, appreciate yours if you have one and remember that we all just want to be loved, accepted, and acknowledged as someone who matters. 

With Purpose, 
Lori

Inspiration

Im a virgin blogger.  This is my first post online ever, sharing my thoughts, raw and unedited...

So how I came to be inspired to start this blog is a mixture of things.  For the past couple of years I have been wanting to pinpoint: how do I reach people with my inspiration to make it through life and its tribulations, express myself and do what I love most..help people grow.  I then contemplated writing books, I even came up with names and chapters but have yet to write them.  Maybe this blog will bring me to have the gall and hopefully the following to encourage those notations of my own life's journey.  

A while back I had a spiritual dream where God showed me the stars, told me I would reach all of those stars, that represented people.  Now I want to pursue my passion in counseling, writing books, and doing speaking engagements.  I have no idea how to get started and if any of my words will change a soul but I'm faithful He will guide me.  I thought about the quantity of stars he showed me in that dream and wondered, but how do I reach all of these other stars..is that possible?  hmm

The other day my boyfriend and I were talking about his blog and I started remembering how I'd always wanted to start one and see where it took me.  Where it can take others.  He expressed how he thought I should start it...Why don't I do this?  He sent me the link to his and I read the words and thought, just as interested as I am in reading his blogs, people can and will be interested in reading mine.  Especially because I have the intention on reaching you, yes YOU reading this..in a positive way.  A way that will ask you to step into your own, choose a more authentic path by just being my own actualized self, share my point of view and relate to another soul walking around trying to figure it all out, the best I can.

Skip to this last Sunday...I was sitting in church listening to a visiting pastor preach to us about searching within ourselves to find what God has placed there... How bad do you want to find the gifts the Lord has placed inside you?  Hit me like a brick.  He proceeded to ask us to pray abundantly, be EXTRAVAGANT, ask not for the mediocre, not what you think God can do but over and beyond what you think you deserve.  WOW.  Thats a tough one, especially if you struggle with self worth.  He began to break down the meaning of Qualitative Words:  Your quality of your prayer determines the quality of your answers!  WOAH.  The quality of words determine the quality of the life, the people and the church!!  Well then, I need to ask for not exactly what I want, but more, because what I think is possible for me isn't even close to what He has in store!  It all boils down to how much do we think we deserve and our distortion and/or limited thinking of who we can become and how we are hearing those qualitative words.  Are we open enough to receive intellectual consciousness?  We were then asked to pray our extravagant prayers...I started and immediately had to correct myself...one of my prayers was for a husband and then I added "No God I don't just want a husband, I want a man of God, a beautiful soul to fulfill the dreams in my heart, the dreams you have for me and your will not my own limited one, give me discernment and I will follow you.  I prayed about so many areas of my life that needed revamping.  I prayed like I could ask for the lottery and receive it!  Hey, He said to pray Big..so I did.  :) The pastor said there was a woman here in this room who the Good Lord wants to reach, tonight.  I believed that woman is me!   Maybe this is my first step into walking into my destiny...this tiny little step.  How bad do I want to find the gifts he's ALREADY given me, BAD!  AMEN AMEN AMEN!  
~Ok sorry I get a little side tracked when I feel a word hitting me like that.  I'm still reeling from it...

The title of this blog.  Elevation:  Take me to the top floor...
I pictured life as a tall building with many levels and an elevator.  Each floor as a journey that you pass through...build on... when your ready, you get back on the elevator and go to the next level.  Sure you have the freedom to descend but you're looking to grow and expand, experience all the tears, all the laughs, take all the lessons your learned from floor 1 to floor....
With this blog my hopes for you:
I encourage you to contribute your comments, knowledge, and thoughts whether you agree or disagree.  But be open to growth, because if you stop growing, you die, inside.  Live your potential.
Step into the elevator, close the door and rise...

Below I share the beautiful Freedom tower in nearby NYC.  ...Everyone's building is limitless, you should feel free on your journey and because it is the tallest building in its city for a reason...when investing in anything, the biggest investment should be in oneself.

With purpose, 
Lori