Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Monday, August 3, 2015

Friendly Reciprocation

When we're young I think we all imagine we'd have best friends that last forever, that those people will always be there just like when we are preteens.  Friends that are there to talk to, there to be supportive when we go thru breakups and makeups, and accomplishments, setbacks and losses.  Then we grow up, we grow apart and some people just don't make the same effort anymore; families are built and friendships get put on the back burner.   Friends even distance themselves intentionally because of differences in lifestyle or general opinions on how they live life.

We can probably assume the same things about family; sometimes they are supportive and sometimes they aren't.  Often, we can question whether we are rooting for each other or are questioning our own positions in life based off of others.  There are periods of closeness and eternities of separation that exist among people that claim to love one another.

What these two examples have in common is distance amongst similarity.  As human beings we are all experiencing the same feelings, just in a different order.  Pain, loss, happiness, triumph, accomplishment, loneliness...it happens to all of us, just at different times in various milestones.  It's not a competition because no two life paths are ever meant to be the same so to bother comparing is a waste of time.  But the actual feelings we experience are the same.  So I question why the separation, why the isolation, why the lack of support, competition, comparison and polarity?  Why is all of this necessary?  Maybe I'm just idealistic to think that we can be compassionate, understanding and supportive individuals even if we are different?  The pain from the examples I mention lies in the fact that friends and family are supposed to treat you the best and yet they also have the ability to hurt you the most.  It's not in how long you've known someone or in whether or not you have the same bloodline that makes a person supportive...its about choice in presence.  How are you going to show up for your friend, or sister or mother today?  What will you do today that matters to them instead of relying on the fact that your related or started a friendship 20 years ago.
That's not enough.
Healthy relationships of any kind are a give and take, where both participants are in the game.  These days its tough to find kind and caring genuine soul that you trust.  Even if you've grown to have a family or other interests, keep the ones who make the effort to show you love and who's hearts are pure, close to you; go out of your way to reciprocate to the friends who are positive forces in your life.
Those who are continously thoughtful by trying to fill others cups with support and love through what they go thru, need love and encouragement too.  Most of us who are like this aren't being nice because we have to be or that we want a medal but because we find enjoyment out of seeing others happy and because we don't think its that hard to reach out and touch someone.  The positive Polly's of the world stories also matter, so although they may not ask for help, ask for support, ask for you to talk, it's your job to reach out before they are running on "E", before they move on to find companions who give a little friendly reciprocation.
You can't blame us for moving on to surround ourselves with "birds of the same feather."

My Christian perspective is just that God is teaching me that the job you do by intentionally helping others is for me (God), not for them.  This is because He made me with the desires of my heart.  And whether or not they give back a single day of the years you gave, I see ALL, including your intention.  "You don't need anyone, you just need me."  "When you are weary, you turn to me and I will fill you."
1 Peter 5
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself, restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

hmh. Amen
xo Lori

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

The Fear in Clarity...

You may finally be clear on the direction you want to take your life, but are you free of the new found fear that comes with that new open space...

So a few months back I was still racking my brain trying to figure out, what am I going to do with all these passions?  How do I incorporate the things that make me feel all tingly inside and those that best serve to empower the people around me?...

I was sitting in a seminar for self help (in support of one of my family members) and I said to myself...this is what I want to do...but not like this.  I had reservations in going in fears that it would be a money focused organization.  This felt more like a cult that they pressured people into attending by making anyone who didn't want to invest monetarily, feel like they had issues of denial.  Which wasn't my issue at all.  My struggle was that I felt it was very sales pitchy, it felt inauthentic.  If you read an earlier blog of mine you'd know one of my goals was to right books, travel and do speaking engagements and at some point use my psychology degree and personal experience of growth to impact the lives of others in a positive way.  So like a lightening storm I kept getting ideas throughout the forum and eventually tuned out the "salesman" on stage completely.  Yes, many things he was saying were true and impactful but the approach ruined the authenticity of what my mission will be.

So I went home and started writing things down and dreaming up everything that would make others feel like they can conquer the world...or at least tackle something they've been procrastinating.  Part of my initial struggle in finding the outlet of all of my passions was integrating them into one place.  I happen to be one of those people with 100 passions.  Im amazed at how it all hit me, how passionate I am about helping others (especially since I feel like I spend most of my days doing this with my friends and random strangers at places like Kohls) anyway.  Why am I amazed at how a Psychology major loves thinking about how to best tackle anything in life that tries to hold her back, hold her friends back, and the likes of strangers?  Duh.  People always devulge their troubles and trust me with their deepest secrets and I am grateful to be someone they feel they can trust.  I guess Im just surprised when it's a complete stranger in a store who's quite a bit older than me, asking for advice.  Maybe thats all part of the divine plan, that the universe works tirelessly to connect us to our hearts work,  but only when you're paying enough attention to notice do you see it.  Part of allowing this energy to flow is about how open you are.  That day in that crazy forum, I chose to be open, knowing that I wasn't going to buy into a weekend away, I still was being supportive and open to hearing something that might strike a cord in my life.

In all of the bing, bing, bings, I started to get scared.  What if it doesn't work out?  What if it fails?  What if then everyone laughs at the failure?  How do I start?  etc etc etc.  So many questions were plaguing this passionate heart of mine at once.  When I got home I started telling a few trusted friends about my new mission...to pick their brains.  They loved the idea, mainly because you could hear the excitement in my voice.  I came up with a name and an acronym and an overall mission; this was the easy part because no one really knows at this point so its safe.  The fear continued to slow me down and distract me away from making real public moves.  None of this makes any sense because anyone who knows me understands that I am the last person to care about what people think.  I have always been a perfectionist tho, someone who's fiercely competitive in business and in succeeding in general.  Although these are all true characteristics of my personality, they were all used for someone elses dream, to elevate their passion and fill their pockets.  Why if I am this motivated and confident in my grind for others can I not reallocate that for myself?  Truth is...I can, its just in how much I am willing to go balls to the wall and all for me.  I thought the clarity in knowing what I wanted to do would kill my fears??
(meh, lies!!)

Having courage is about feeling the fear but walking ahead anyway; toward it, essentially to give it the middle finger.  I will truly be doing the work, creating workshops that I have personal experience in, ones that I challenge myself to do exactly what I am advising others to do.  Helping the millennials reinvest in themselves and create a purposeful lifestyle is about instilling confidence and a fresh spirit that is honest about how life is scary and that there are a lot of unknowns but that doesn't mean that it can't be amazing once that fear subsides.  Sparking momentum for those young and old hopefuls who just couldn't get started, by creating action plans and accountability partners.  Bringing education and useful tools to those interested in ALL areas of life; health, fitness, spirituality, healthy eating, life hacks, relationship overhauling, tips and tricks to traveling and financial stability etc.  I know this sounds like "I know it all" right.  WRONG.  I will be doing ALOT of research on the net, continue to read books and pulling from my personal experiences, combining all resources in coming up with useful and interesting material to INSPIRE everyone who's...open.  Most of all, to help others create the momentum thru initially taking action, propelling them forward toward kicking a*s in life!!  Making it all count.

I can't wait to grow, to INSPIRE...to be INSPIRED.

Scared Bi*ch walking...
xo, Lori


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Social Media-The Good, The Bad, The UGLY!

It seems as though the whole world is OBSESSED with social Media.  Every few months a new site pops up offering some form of news feed, wall or picture sharing community that we all want to join to be sure we aren't left out.  People constantly check their phones and are addicted to knowing what others are doing at all times; previously coined a peeping tom or now whats known as trolling and in some cases,Voyeurism is the new way we occupy our time.   Some would go as far as to say that most of us are so concerned with the likes, comments and overall acceptance of each other that the mindset of who we are is reverting back to infancy, when we asked our parents to pay attention to us because we used the potty.  To think that we are all mini celebrities, important enough to gain as many followers to somehow feel relevant in this world, is a sad realization.  Theres an overwhelming issue with self worth, loathing, and narcism that is being ignored.   
Granted we all like to stay "in touch" with each other, as plugged in as we are, is as checked out a society as we really have become socially person to person.  As we drift from human connection that is both vulnerable and requires effort to truly show compassion, to conversing through a texting community, we lose basic social skills, feel isolated and actually have the ability of changing brain chemistry.  Social media is one of those things that started off as a great idea and has morphed into a niche of life that can have a dark side.  This form of technology has helped us as a nation in a lot of ways, particularly with minute by minute news, feedback, faster communication and tracking everything ever said, thought about or caught on video tape.  Here are the ways that in my observation we benefit and suffer through what is this social media obsession...

The Good:
Celebrities were long viewed as Gods and Goddesses... untouchable, unreachable and mainly one you saw on TV, or in concert if you were lucky, to which would be the most exciting experience just to catch an in person glimpse.  Pull up an old video of a performance where kids cried and passed out just being in the presence of a Michael Jackson or Madonna.  In concert we actually went to sing, mosh-pit, enjoy the artists and the art of the show.  Now your lucky to see someone who isn't video taping so they can clap along or actually see the LIVE concert happening in front of their faces.  Only to upload clips to  instagram, Vine, Facebook, youtube, etc and see how many "friends" like and can be jealous of the fact that they are 1000 feet away from Rhianna.  The positive side to what sounds like a negative is that celebrities are real people too, there is something inspiring to realize our potential to reach a little higher and be motivated to work hard and "make it" in life.  They would disagree and tell you that as a celebrity they are earning less the more "human" they become.  But we aren't talking about them now are we...afterall, they make enough as it is.
This at your fingertips news is always great because you can on demand, sift through what your interested in hearing, find out first and basically tell all your friends.
The internet world as a whole is infinite these days.  You can access any information about unlimited topics and so the social media outlet has been linked to all of this data as well.  We are  capable of sharing cool, trendy, helpful and hopeful tips daily with just a few clicks.
Its fun, plain and simple social media can be funny, be an avenue to connect with friends who live cross country, in a different country completely and find those you haven't spoke to in years.
Marketing for your business has become very popular and successful form of reaching the masses.  A company can run online sales and link to the website for your shopping convenience.  They can also market jobs available to those who are following them and looking for an opening.  
Social media has helped raise money for people in need, connect long lost family members, adopt pets, and even find children.  For these reasons social media wins my vote, if we can have positivity as the main focus of why we log onto see one another, Im in.

The Bad:
Wasting time; countless hours are spent surfing these sites for up to the minute info on what we don't have in our lives, what we don't want in our lives and what we wish we had in our lives.  Plain and simple we are constantly comparing ourselves to our neighbors who post messages that are glorified to make others jealous.  So we spend hours being envious when we can be humbled at our own blessings.  Spread happiness and joy for a friends fortune as opposed to asking yourself how can you outdo the Jones's.  
Children are a part of these sites, if it's not hard enough going through puberty and having to compare oneself to others, now kids are being bullied on social media, exposed and viewing inappropriate information.   
Lack of social interaction causes depression by way of isolation and limited physical contact.  There are studies that support the nature of physical touch as something that alleviates depression, changes the production of chemicals produced in the brain that are in direct correlation to joy and comfort.  Social media is supposed to connect us as a world but the more we log on and the less we meet up, the more disconnected we'll all be.  I had a phone carrier ask me a few months back "who talks on the phone anymore", as if it was a dying trend!  I said I do, yes I text but sometimes I want to hear someones voice and its easier than typing out something that can be misconstrued.  I was in shock...
Productivity at work and at home is shrinking as the demand for multitasking, working multiple jobs and family demands are increasing.  However, as we all can attest the time spent online goes by quickly and our families and jobs are suffering because of it.  We are all distracted even when together!  You can pretty much go to any restaurant to see a whole family on their phones at the same time, what are they viewing...social media. 

The Ugly:
Social Media has now become the closest thing to Porn Ive ever seen.  Yes I said that.  If you look at the images that are liked by men, put out by women and circulating the fastest, they are generally sexually explicit in form.  The obsession with women showing off their larger bottoms, busty tops and suggestive poses to gain attention and approval from men who comment what they want to do with them and to them is running rampant!  Sadly, the breakdown of family and church in the homes of America has obviously created self worth, self confidence and morality issues amongst the many who aim to be the next adored "internet star".  There isn't any real talent, devotion, hard work, or career oriented passion being applied to gain a following...just skin.  When looks fade or someone more attractive, less clothed comes along, where will the self esteem of these ladies be?  I am in no way saying this is only a female problem, I think men are just as much at fault, for feeding into the portrayal that will eventually be the pool of women they have to choose from, the pool of girls who date their sons and the pool of women they expect to be the other half of a respectable, responsible society.  We all affect each other, therefore, we are all accountable for one another.  It's a fleeting popularity contest that is destined to fail and shallow in character representation.  Not to mention these images once posted are public for life, affecting your chances at getting a job and diminishing a reputation, had you any future at a respectable public service place of employment.  
All social community sites are known to break up relationships, cause drama and sometimes have resulted in public online brawls.  Because of the temptation of having unlimited options of your sexual preference, falling victim to crossing a partners boundaries is unfortunately many couples downfalls.  What may be acceptable language, viewing pleasure and conduct in general to you, may be very inappropriate to your mate.  Whats considered cheating may be the exchanges that are taking place on social media via private messaging people you know or don't know, sexually suggestive comments, and meeting strangers who are your "friends" online that can lead down a path of infidelity.  When you open the door to temptation, you close the door of respect for your partner.  Knowing the one you love is spending time admiring other men or women's beauty/body creates seeds of insecurity and would be better spent in investing into ones own relationship.  If asked "what you intentionally do anything to break the heart of the one you love, disrespect them or veer away from the boundaries of loyalty" I guarantee we'd all say "no".  But in making choices that put yourself in that position, you are knowingly asking for trouble.  
Morality is a major issue when you log online, social media not excluded but being one of the biggest offenders.  It's not a secret that I am a Christian women and seeing the filth that is the words that are spoken against one another out of hate, rejection, negativity, jealousy and sexual deviance is extremely discouraging when Im asking myself where is society going as a community of people.  A community that may look different but on the inside have the same makeup, with the same desires to be accepted, loved and know they matter.  Its apparent that we are using all means necessary to fill the hole that the bible says, God created for him, with materialistic and physically stimulating messages.  How lost have we become in our souls that we think the immediate gratification of a split second post is going to fix the years of damage that has caused that brokeness leading you to seek out strangers for comfort to begin with?
Expecting privacy online is like asking pigs to fly, its never going to happen.  New privacy policies are less restrictive these days and claim ownership over your images, posts and personal information.   There are ways in which this data is collected and sold to other companies and can travel into the wrong hands.  The sex business is one of the biggest businesses in the world, most of it now online.  Hackers or even the average Joe with photoshop can steal your face or body to exploit you and make a buck.  Im not advocating fear based mentality but for at least showing less skin and setting your accounts as private as you can, might be a smarter option.  Do not post nude pictures online of your children, not because those of us who have morals are offended but for those pedophiles who have ruined it for everyone else.  The online world is similar to a growing corporation, once it starts getting too big, you can always expect a small group to bring it to a new level of "disorder" in which restraints have to then be applied. 

Who is going to start applying restraints on social media that is infecting the brains of 74% of adults logged on and the 72% of children 18 and under influenced daily?  Noone, anytime soon.  

I am a social media user so Im not advocating for a boycott but just that we realign our morals, goals and contribution to a future we all have to live in.  We can control our own behavior and hold ourselves to a higher standard, we are in control of that.  From the mouth of Ghandi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world".  If you want to have stronger relationships, more educated children, a more productive day, and people who respect themselves around you, then hold yourself as accountable for what you allow on your screen and to those your call "friends".  

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